"Why?"
Hello...hello...is this blog still working? Just wondering but anyway, I just felt like writing and I need to say something out.
"Why?!" happens to be one of the biggest question for me today, I guess. Maybe it will be sticking next to me for this whole semester. There is always "Why this...?" and "Why that...?" I wanted to start this semester fresh, like any other semester, but somehow things just didn't go well and instead of me trying to make this semester good, it just turned out bad. I do not want to bother myself with all of these questions but then again, it just won't go away. There is no place I can run to and I know that running is not a good solution. I always make myself see the positive side in every situation but for this semester, it doesn't work for me somehow. I always try to stay positive because I know it's bad, but yet negativity somehow pulls me down with its power. Sometimes I just want to give up on everything I do. Sometimes I just wished that I hadn't done anything or started anything so that I don't have to suffer. Somehow, my explanation isn't enough or maybe because I'm just not good in explaning things. In the end, people will misunderstand what I have said. Communication barrier...that must be it.
I just hope that tomorrow will be a better day.
posted by Lorena at 7:42 PM
2 Comments:
try to ride the wave. that is what i tell myself whenever things get harder or i loose perspective. loosing perspective is natural and perpetual. just remind yourself that this too shall pass and everything is going to be fine as long as you try to listen to yourself a little more, a little better. different people will tell you different things. it's good to listen. you might learn something. but in the end, you better give some thought to what you, yourself, know and feel like.
you say you may not be good enough at explaining yourself. that may be true. i just hope you don't take that statement for granted and quit trying to explain yourself. because i think we can explain ourselves and it's necessary that we do so. it is hard, especially when we're confused about our feelings, but we need to take the time to understand what we feel and why we feel a certain way. if we just go around saying "it's hard for me to explain," or, "i'll never be able to say what i mean," then we'll never be able to say what we mean. simple. we really should take care with what we make ourselves believe or with what we convince ourselves that we feel. because we're good at tricking ourselves. i know we're foolish like that.
make a choice and stick with it. stand by it. for it. it's your choice. you can make the best or worst out of it.
and pray. in your own private time just ask for guidance. we don't really need answers is the way i see it. we need guidance. and then the answer will sort of envelop us. do you know what i mean? it will be so obvious. god is great like that. how he makes us see.
and if you're ok about it, you can come talk to me in person or you can email me. i'd be more than willing to talk if you are. i hope you don't take what i said as a load of pep talk. i am sincerely concerned and wanted to share what i believe or what works for me, how i try to go through those days myself. and hey, sometimes just staying in and sleeping in and not taking a shower and eating a lot of junk food and watching a lot of crap on tv and not answering the phone and just basically consciously wasting time does it too. i think sometimes we just need to take a break. and if taking a break means being a bum for a day then i say go for it. or go out and treat yourself. go take yourself somewhere completely different. do something different. you can either do or stay home and be a bum. in my opinion, either way helps in its own way. as long as you know this is temporary :)
i can't really say something more concrete because i don't really know what is bothering you. i just want to remind you that we all ask the same questions every day and we all wish to give up sometimes. it's good to talk about it. or write about it. :) either way it makes you feel better. it helps you see that the real problem is not really all that huge a deal.
one last thing before i log off. this is one of my favorite promises:
"the will of god will never lead you where the grace of god cannot keep you".
be well,
ani
Thank you for your concern and advice mrs. Ani, I know that whatever I am feeling right now will just be a temporary thing. I just wished that it would go away faster since I have lots of things to do. It's true, I do feel like just taking a day off to not do anything but then again, time is pressuring me and I just somehow cannot let things go even for a half day. I guess I just have to wait till I graduate (hopefully) before I can get a really good break.
I didn't think that there is anybody who would still check this blog. It just so happened that I had a bad time that day and I suddenly remembered about this blog. That's where I decided to just right it all down here. Eventhough I still feel down by all of this things that's disturbing me, but then after writing them down here, I feel a little bit better. It's true that whatever I am feeling right now, I do not want to make it into a huge deal because I know that it will slowly go away. I really appreciate the things you 'said' it actually made me feel better.
Thanks
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