Restructured Portrait

Plain empty darkness stared back at her as she looked out the small window to her side. The darkness reminded her of the emptiness that had stayed with her ever since the day after the graduation. Why did she have to leave? And why did it take her so long to finally reappear?

“Mae…”

Aiko was still staring at the nothingness on the other side of the window as she murmured the name. After awhile, everything around her turned blank, and the small conversations of the other passengers were hushed. She soon found herself awakening to the sound of the announcement coming from the head of the aircraft.

“We will be landing at Sydney Airport shortly. Please put on your seatbelts. Passengers are not allowed to leave their seats during this time.”

How long had she dozed off? She looked at her watch which was still ticking away at Singaporean time – less than a minute away to 7pm.

“Three hours ahead…”

Her voice trailed off as she adjusted the time on her analog modeled Movado Amorosa wrist watch. This was the watch that her boyfriend had given her on her 21st birthday three years ago. It had a slight scratch on the back of its silver coated body after she had accidentally knocked it off her table some months ago in her rush to catch up with an appointment that had somehow slipped her mind for some reason on that particular afternoon. Working in her father’s company gave her little time for other things. Time meant strictly business for her since she started helping out in the family business.

The engines of the aircraft roared. She tried to silence the nervousness, and the anticipation that was slowing building in her as the tires of the 200-passenger-seated aircraft came into contact with the surface of the runway. The airport could now be seen in full view. Another aircraft was taking off at another runway some short distance away.

Most of the passengers were now unbuckling their seatbelts, and lifting themselves from their seats. The aircraft had finally come to a full stop. Two flight attendants were standing at the main entrance of the aircraft waiting for the final instructions from the pilot. By now the aisle was filled with a line of passengers waiting to leave the aircraft.

“Where is she?”

A sense of restlessness settled in as she pushed the trolley. Brushing her way through the crowd of the other arriving passengers, her eyes looked around searchingly. The crowd, the luggage and trolleys, and the brightness of the fluorescent lights above her made her squint as she searched for the familiar face that she was expecting to see.

“It really would help a lot if…” and before she could think any further, there in the corner of her eyes she spotted someone that she felt she had known all along.

It was her. She couldn’t mistake her for anyone else. How could she possibly erase this person from her life? For awhile it seemed like the world around her had stopped, and everything else was motionless, except for her and this person that she was approaching. She didn’t know how exactly to react. Rush up to her and embrace her? Or hold back the emotions and greet her with the normal handshake? The separation was just too overwhelming, but she knew she had to take control of herself.

“Aiko…”

She somehow sensed that this soft and almost calm voice that called her name still carried the emotions of the past – the anger and the bitterness that this person had brought along with her when she left them that day. Who could have known it would create such an impact on her? It was a mistake…an irreversible mistake. Mistakes are always never right when it happens she thought to herself.

A momentary silence fell in between the two young women as they studied each other’s faces. The silence and the stiffened expression seemed all too familiar to her as a particular memory played at the back of Aiko’s head.

“Glad that you decided to come.”

Mae went up to the trolley and lifted the horizontally laid luggage.

“Let me help,” she said bluntly offering herself.

She gently brushed aside Aiko’s hand when she attempted to stop her. This really isn’t the way it should be, Aiko silently protested. Where was the traditional way of greeting? Where was the big hello? Where was the bear hug? Disappointment sank in. Aiko realized she had expected too much from this reunion. All she could see from her peripheral vision was the expressionless face that looked straight ahead. Mae did not seem to bother the person that was walking by her side.

A cab was waiting for them as they exited through the glass door which automatically slid apart. The night September air was warm. Aiko took off her cardigan, and carefully tucked it away into her brown sling bag. As they entered into the cab, Mae gave the driver the place of direction. Nodding to this instruction, the cab was soon running on the busy highway of Sydney.

“How’s it been lately?”

Aiko had no idea what else to ask. She was beginning to feel unease with the whole one sentence response, and the tense atmosphere between the two. The purpose of this reunion was much more than just a face-to-face encounter. She was expecting something good from this two week leave that she was taking.

“Please, don’t do this Mae. It’s been five long years since you left us.”

Mae’s eyes were fixed somewhere else. Her long slender legs were crossed, and her arms were folded together as if she were protecting herself.

“You’re here now – here where I am. That makes the difference.”

As she said this, her voice was almost toneless. It seemed as if nothing was there inside her to this whole reunion. No warmth. No noticeably kind reaction whatsoever.

Aiko remembered receiving an unexpected call a month ago in her office. Her secretary had told her that the caller only identified herself as someone she knows. She remembered hearing the voice which at first seemed unrecognizable. Only after the long silence at the other end of the line did she realize it was Mae. She remembered holding back the tears as Mae revealed her life that she had kept away from them for all those years. If only she knew how much they wanted her to come back. If only she knew how much it hurt them to see her part away from them. If only. Mae had gotten along with her life independently, and quite well indeed. Aiko only wished that she was there – that they were there – all along during those lost years without her.

“Mom and dad really miss you. We just really wish that you’re back home with us.”

She decided that that was enough said. That was all that Mae needed to know for the moment at least. Nothing else was said throughout the journey. The time showed a quarter past 11pm when the cab pulled in at the side of the road. Mae paid the cab-driver, and soon it disappeared as it came to a turn further down the road.

“Your room’s here. If you need anything else my room’s right across yours,” and soon the door was shut before Aiko could speak a word. She dropped herself back on the neatly spread covers on the bed listening to the movement of Mae around the house. She noticed that the room was much larger than it had first seemed now that she was actually in it. It was moderately furnished, and a small white cushioned chair was seen at one corner. At another corner was a glass cabinet that displayed a number of framed pictures. She lifted herself from the bed, and went up to the cabinet. The pictures were mostly of scenes of different places that captured the essence of beauty just as Mae had always captured it since she had her first camera. As she studied the pictures more carefully, she came across some other pictures that had Mae in them, and apparently with someone else. The happiness that she traced on Mae’s face seemed so pure and content. Seeing that, Aiko wished that Mae had showed the same expression when they met earlier at the airport. The sudden sound of a knock at the door awoke her from her thoughts.

“Good night.”

At the slight opened space of the door, Mae’s head peeped in. Her soft curls that were earlier tied were now hanging loosely below her shoulders.

“Good night.”

Aiko comforted herself from her earlier thoughts with the thought that at least Mae had cared to excuse herself courteously before retiring to bed. Feeling more settled with her emotions, she decided to retire as well.

At the table the following morning, Mae blurted out, “Aiko, I have something to tell you.” Hearing the statement, Aiko felt tightened inside fearing what she might hear. But the feeling quickly dissolved as she heard the following words.

“I’m getting married.”

Did she hear the statement correctly? Noticing the widened eyes on Aiko’s face, Mae nodded and said, “Next month.”

“I want you to be there… as my bridesmaid. I want mom and dad to be there too.”

After all these years away from home, and without a single word of news from her, Mae was now getting married in less than a month’s time. Aiko was speechless. For a moment it seemed that her entire body had just frozen, and that was when Mae looked at her with a wide smile on her face. Her eyes were beaming with joy, and her whole body seemed to lighten up.

“I thought you were still mad at us… me, mom, and dad,” the words tumbled out of Aiko’s mouth.

“Aiko, it’s been a long while since all of us were together. I have nowhere else to fully turn to, but to my family. I’m sorry for the way I’ve acted last night. It’s been awhile, you know. I…” tears started rushing down her cheeks as Mae struggled to maintain her flow of speech.

“I’m sorry for storming out from all of you like that. I wasn’t being fair to myself, and neither to all of you. I shouldn’t have…” and before she could finish her sentence, Aiko went up to her and embraced her.

“We didn’t mean to let you know the truth in such a way. Mom and dad just figured that you fitted perfectly in the family, and that you didn’t need to know – in fact, never at all. We all felt and still do feel that you were born into the family. I shouldn’t have brought out the idea. I knew I was wrong to bring up the matter, to even think of it.”

“No… you’re not wrong. None of you are wrong. I wasted all these years drowning myself in my own anger – something that wasn’t necessary at all. I realized I have a lot to be thankful for than to be angry at.”

With that Mae wrapped her arms around Aiko, and sank her head into her shoulders. After a long while, Mae broke into a weak giggle.

“You know, I feel stupid for what I’ve done. One person snapped me out from that stupidity… William. I really want you to meet him.”

“Yes, you are one stupid sister.”

By this time, both of them were wiping off the tears from their eyes. They looked into each other eyes, this time with a sense of warmness encircling them. Once again, it felt like those days where they’d pour out their feelings, and shared endless stories together. That cold expression earlier on, Aiko realized, was only a mask to hide what was really inside her sister. Who could’ve known that she would leave home so soon, going off to explore herself all alone? Her quiet and shy nature had now given way into a person that showed independence and control of her own life. She was no longer her baby sister. The only one thing that she regretted out of the relationship was missing out on her life during those lost years. She wished she was there to be a part of it. She was her only sister, and no one else could replace her. There couldn’t possibly be a way to compensate for those lost years, except to embrace the present and beyond. Now it is a different story. She’ll be a part of her sister’s life again with a beginning that means so much to her. She’ll be witnessing an important new chapter of her life. She couldn’t feel more blessed.

“Mae, I’ll have to call mom and dad to tell the news. We can both tell it to them over the phone later. And one more thing… I’d like to meet that William of yours today.”